No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize