On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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