it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
