I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
