Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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