in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
