How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do herpes really smell.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
