Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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