I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
organizing the empties. That sober.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
