If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
