My first STD was from a foam party
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sober January is a disaster.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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