Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize