pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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