Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
