You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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