It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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