i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wish my penis had a tongue
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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