mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
