apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
