i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
