If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
