Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
