I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
