I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
