I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
