mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
