HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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