Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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