I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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