i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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