my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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