Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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