I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
