I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
