I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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