I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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