Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
