I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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