Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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