OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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