like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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