i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
