ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
