walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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