i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
