And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
