i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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