Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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