everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
