burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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