Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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