Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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