I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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