real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I smell like Dick and happiness
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
