I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
