it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
