best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
