I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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