I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
