all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
