How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
