Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
