is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
