How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
