so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
