I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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