Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
