She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I puked a lego.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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