garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is Oprah even human
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
