Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
