u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
