I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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