why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
