Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
