Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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