some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
