i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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